My dear Srila Prabhupada,
All glories to Your Divine Grace. Thank you for giving me life.
Your granddaughter is feeling sad today. I attended the morning program at one of your main city centers here in America, a place where you personally came. I saw that the Deities were bright and beautiful, cheerful to see the three devotees who came to Their greetings, and you were sitting there in your Murti form, forever looking on.
Even with all these transcendental personalities present, I couldn’t help the sadness from squeezing my heart. I had to enter from the side gate, the main entrances were chained, locked shut. I observed the morning traffic, people worshiping their dogs by picking up their stool, instead of worshiping God, Who was their neighbor, just waiting for them to walk in the door, feel welcome and inspired. I could just hear your words, feel your own sadness at this state of affairs.
Where are all your devotees, jumping, and enthusiastic, ready to do anything to spread this Krishna consciousness movement, just to please you? I see two of them, steadily doing their puja and book distribution, steady, like the marble fixtures decorating the altar, always there, old and beautiful.
One young man has come, jumping and new. What must he think of all this? Your gardens are forgotten, and the cement is buckling. How many temples are there like this all over the world that were once filled, and now stand almost empty?
What is the use of building one huge one, as if things are flourishing and progressing? Where have so many of your sons and daughters gone Srila Prabhupada? Will they ever come back? And more urgently, what of their children? Is there any hope left for reconciliation?
Where am I going with all of this? Plainly speaking, I feel the personality of Kali very nearly won the second round. It is we, the second generation, who have to go on from here, pick up what is left, lifting the remains by the strength of our dedication and love for you, Srila Prabhupada. How many of us are there, who feel the personal responsibility, who are bound to you in life long gratitude, the kind that surpasses all the pain and disappointment we faced as children?
My brother, Rasikananda, and I just returned from you spiritual capital, Sri Dham Mayapur. There are plenty of devotees at that temple. There, it is not a question of numbers, but of heart.
There too, in spite of the apparent prosperity and progress, I felt great sadness. As always, the Supreme Personality of Godhead is gorgeous, shining, and showering His blessings on all who come. I came to you, Srila Prabhupada, in your bhajan kutir, the way I know you best, in simple surroundings, a few devotees singing their hearts out in the 24 hour kirtan. I sat at your feet in prayer.
When I asked you what I should do now, how your society could be steered back to the way you gave us, how to remedy the situation that was the cause of our generation’s being attacked and now denied and neglected, I felt your silence. Not that you weren’t there, but rather, the intensity of your emotion was not easily expressed in words.
In my prayerful meditation, your head slightly shook, lips parted, quivering, eyes filling with tears of severe anger, an intense mixture of emotions. I was experiencing your response the same way I always do when I come to you with this question burning a hole in my chest. Being the aristocratic, Indian gentleman that you are, coming from a culture of generations of fathers, husbands, and sons protecting their daughters, wives, and mothers, you just can’t believe that I, a little girl, am asking you this question. ¨Where are your fathers!? Where are your uncles, my senior men!? What have they done!!!!!!!!!!!!?¨
Your anger shakes everything, everywhere. I am almost surprised that you feel completely responsible for my well being, as my protector. That was not in my experience until recently.
Your anger increases. FIRE. FIRE. Your senior men who did this to us children, to our mothers, to our society. FIRE! FIRE!
As my meditation on Srila Prabhupada came to a close, I knew that there was no one I could go to in our society, in any kind of managerial position who could remedy the situation at hand. I simply bowed at Srila Prabhupada’s lotus feet, still feeling his fiery anger. After all, who could hear him now? Who would even ask?
Prayer is practical. Love is shown in action. I went to the Lord Himself.
Lord Nrsimhadeva did roar for me that day I spoke my heart out in front of Him. The thunder and lightning crackled and rumbled overhead, as the skies poured. Others told me they felt Him angrily roaring through the clouds that afternoon, before His abisheka.
My trip to Mayapur was a great success on many levels. First, it is the culmination of many, many years of personal development, soul searching prayer, and letting go of unwanted qualities, that brought me to where I stand today.
I could not have come this far without my dear mentor, Srimati Kamra Devi, my dear processing friend, Sri Harinama Cintamini Prabhu, my super-humanly patient husband, and other family members and friends. While I was the one holding the microphone, it was standing on their love and support that kept my knees from shaking.
My disclosure and prayers were received with overwhelmingly positive feedback, as well as mixed responses, which I will post anonymously for all to read, as there is a lot of curiosity on how others responded.
Yes, this trip was a success in as much as, I did what I was instructed by Supersoul from within to do, to deliver this message to devotees world-wide. I only acted now, after all these years, because I let go of the last of my personal agendas for blame and revenge. Otherwise, if this were not the case, why would Lord Nrsimhadeva want to hear the whining of one more conditioned soul, blaming others for their own self made obstacle course?
Whereas there were a handful who told my brother and I that we had made an offense by speaking thus in front of the Lord, on the contrary, I felt Him steadying me with His gaze, giving me His strength, and empowering me to roar according my tiny capacity-
garjantam garjayantam nija-bhuja-patalam sphotayantam hatantam
rupyantam tapayantam divi bhuvi ditiyam kshepayantam kshipantam
krandantam roshayantam dishi dishi satantam samharantam bharantam vikshantam purnayantam kara-nikara-shatair divya-simham namami
“Lord Narasimha roars loudly and causes others to roar. With His multitudes of arms He tears the demons asunder and kills them in this way. He is always seeking out and tormenting the demonic descendants of Diti, both on this earth planet and in the higher planets, and He throws them down and scatters them. He cries with great anger as He destroys the demons in all directions, yet with His unlimited hands He sustains, protects, and nourishes the cosmic manifestation. I offer my respectful obeisances to the Lord, who has assumed the form of a transcendental lion.” – Narasimha-kavacha as it is described by Prahlada Maharaja in the Brahmanda Purana
The second aspect of our success was stating the obvious, in as a respectful manner as possible. Many of the comments we received, showed people’s relief that the “fight was in the light”. Finally.
“The emperor has no clothes! There is an elephant in the room! Look!”
Let this begin an honest and respectful dialogue, keeping the mood of Sri Prahlada Maharaj, as enunciated in the 7th canto of Srimad Bhagavadtam, chapter 8, verse 9, “Prahlada Maharaj continued: My dear father, please give up your demoniac mentality. Do not discriminate in your heart between enemies and friends; make your mind equipoised toward everyone. Except for the uncontrolled and misguided mind, there is no enemy within this world. When one sees everyone on the platform of equality, one then comes to the position of worshiping the Lord perfectly.”
This is a state of consciousness, not a license to let wolves roam amongst us! The function of the intelligence is to discriminate after all. Artificial, impersonal equality results in the kinds of social disasters as seen in the ISKCON movement in the 80s, 90s and beyond. We must study Srila Prabhupada’s example and follow in his mood.
There were a couple of responses coming from obviously hurt and disgruntled individuals. They thanked me for my offering and then proceeded to blast one Swami after another in great anger and derision.
I would like to first recognize and honor their feelings. It is a bonafide first stage of the healing process, accepting that something bad happened, feel the hurt of it, and want to be heard, and do something about it. It is very important to be heard.
However, if we are to continue to move forward and heal, staying at this first stage of accusation and anger will only stifle our own healing, advancement, and further empower the agents of Kali who feed off emotions such as dualistic rage, blame, hatred, and polarization of the rare few individuals sincerely seeking spiritual life. It is a trick. DO NOT FALL FOR IT!
Move beyond this first stage, by going deeper personally and collectively. Only when we can sincerely pray for those who have hurt us the most, will we feel true happiness, and freedom from the whole cycle of entangling, countless births and deaths. Let us strive to get out, not stay here, hitting the statue made of tar, getting ourselves completely stuck, and dirty.
The best revenge is to be situated beyond the reach of such contaminated persons who depend on ill-gotten power to control others with fear. Take the example of a five year old boy, and be fearless.
I look forward to a day in the very near future when there will be dozens of websites, all requesting other devotees to pray for errant individuals, instead of dissecting their behavior and personalities with great relish, exactly like the fly and maggots, eagerly looking for open sores. When will we be like the honey bee, glad to find a drop of nectar in an otherwise barren wasteland?
Yes, there is a real problem, no one can deny, the symptoms are too advanced and obvious.
So, let us apply the real solution, the only one that has ever worked. Taking advantage of the instructions given to us by Srila Prabhupada, especially in the 7th canto of Srimad Bhagavatam, chapters 9 and 10, let us deeply look into our own hearts, take accountability for the hard things there, and do as Lord Nrsimhadeva says, ¨Those who follow your example will naturally become My pure devotees. You are the best example of My devotee, and others should follow in your footsteps.¨ S.B. canto7, chapter 10, verse 21.
The offering made in Mayapur, on Nrsimha Caturdasi, was just a humble beginning, a prayer to begin to heal our society. There is much, much more work to be done. Many “free” devotees are needed to help others. There is a supplementary process that aids one to get to the real medicine, the Holy Name. It is my intention to share this process in a workshop and blog form. Stay tuned. We will go deep, deep, all the way out the other side of the universe.
Before healing can begin, the disease needs to be diagnosed, and treatment applied. Lord Sri Krishna is the infallible physician, Srila Prabhupada, His chief doctor, and we, the aspiring, convalescing, patients. Let us all aid each other in our healing. Let us give up the finger pointing mentality, and aid those who have become delirious due to material infection, quarantining them in compassion and self preservation. No more artificial transcendence. Lets get real, really fast.
If any of you appreciated the offering my brother and I made in Mayapur, a few weeks ago, and want to support us practically, we need to pay back our dear friend who paid for the whole trip.
She is a senior Prabhupada disciple, who has very little money, and yet, because of her deep love for us in the service of Srila Prabhupada’s mission, she put her life savings on the line, literally! She funded our whole trip, understanding the necessity and urgency of the message, and had firm faith that we would be successful.
Please help us pay her back. The total for our trip, and expenses totaled $5,400.
Donations can be made through Paypal to firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you in advance for your support. It means a lot.
I look forward to reading more of your feedback and valuable comments. Please continue to post on www.praylikeprahlada.com. I and my team are working to develop the site where we can have a forum to regularly discuss, and offer assistance to any gurukulis or any devotee who may be experiencing depression, panic attacks, or suicidal feelings. Whereas I and my teammates are not therapists and cannot offer therapy as such, certainly, we can point to resources and listen, share our journeys, and support in this way.
Yours in service to Srila Prabhupada,
Jvalamukhi devi dasi